Raising Monkey, Loving Sarge

Everyone is talking about last Friday.  It’s hard to escape it.
News media. Social media. Its everywhere.
December 14, 2012. A date etched in our hearts and minds forever.
I struggle with comprehending. I struggle to fight against a spirit of fear.
I struggle to find answers…

“Sometimes God answers our questions with questions.
Because God knows sometimes there is suffering beyond our knowing.
When we want to know answers, God simply wants us to know Him.
When we loudly question God’s culpability, God quietly questions our humility.
When we can’t bottle our tears up anymore, God catches every one in His bottle.”
http://www.aholyexperience.com/2012/12/the-truth-about-sandy-hook-where-is-god-when-bad-things-happen/ 

I look at my daughter and pull her close.
I can’t imagine life without her.
I worked so hard to bring her into this world, and to even think for a moment of having her taken from me…
I can’t handle the pain of even the thought.
I kiss her more. I hug her tighter.
I don’t want to let go.

Every parent has nightmares.
The only way to climb out of those dark thoughts is to put feet down on the carpet and pad down the hallway to where our tiny humans are sleeping.
To kneel by the crib and place palms on backs that are curled around small toes, tiny bottoms thrust into the air.
We treat our panic with the steady rhythm of their breathing. And our own slows. As we breathe in and out the wonder of their being unharmed, alive, real, ours.
To have a child is to dive into a deep, dark sea of vulnerability. There are no guarantees.
Only promises that your heart will break. And that you will be put back together in unexpected ways.
http://lisajobaker.com/2012/12/when-parents-have-nightmares/ 

I feel a desire to do something. Anything.
We, as a nation, have to take some kind of action.
But what? My voice is so small.
What difference can I make?
Is it about gun control? Is it about mental illness?
Is it about something else entirely that we are all missing completely?

With all of the seemingly unreachable evil people who surround our communities, there can still be more good people in our lives.
We can raise them in our homes, we can live the example in our churches, grocery stores, and on Facebook, and we can stop brushing the “bad” ones aside and show them kindness.
We can. Change, even in yourself, is change.
Change, even in your small group of friends, is change.
Change, even in your small school, is change.
Change, even in your small town, is change.
Change, even in your small county, is change…
This is what I’ve learned. This is what I can do.
This is all I can do. This is what we can do.
We can share more JOY. We can be more positive, even when it’s really, really difficult.
We can be kind. We can.
http://www.kallaydoscope.com/2012/12/16/stream-of-consciousness-sunday-what-can-i-do/

And so I start.
I start by getting on my knees.

I ask for God’s strength and peace that only He can give.
To face my fears. To stand tall and keep going.
To find a way to change myself and my own daily actions.
To bring up a daughter who is empowered to be kind and who chooses to share joy, each day of her life.
To love my husband deeper and be kinder, even when it’s difficult.
To serve and love my parents, as they grow older, in any way I can – even from a distance.
To reach out. To show more love. To judge less. To help.  To give more.

There are days when I feel.. the best of me is ready to begin (the end)
Then there’s (the) days when I feel… I’m letting go and soaring on the wind
‘Cause I’ve learned in laughter or in pain, How to survive!

I get on my knees! There I am before the Love That changes me
See I don’t know how but there’s power, when I’m on my knees.

I can be in a crowd…  Or by myself and almost anywhere
When I feel there’s a need, to talk with God, He is Emmanuel
When I close my eyes, no darkness there. There’s only light!

I get on my knees.  There I am before the Love that changes me
See I don’t know how, but there’s power..
In the blue skies, in the midnight…
When I’m on my knees

 

When we get on our knees I truly believe we will find power. To overcome tragedy.
To change the future of our nation – for the better.
I’m still struggling to comprehend… but I’m on my knees.
I want our nation to change… but it starts with me.
I want to change.

I’m getting started with this NaBloPoMo challenge to blog every day in November 2012 a little late
- but better late than never, right?
Be sure to head over and link up if you want to join in.
The blog roll closes on 5 November so you still have a little time!

The last several months have been quiet on the blog, but definitely not in our life.
It has been a whirlwind of doctors visits, hospital stays, chasing a dog, and keeping up with a growing little monkey girl!

There have also been changes on the military side as Sarge has officially been selected as a Tech Sgt Select!  He will officially sew on this rank in May 2013, though he is already basically functioning as a Tech Sgt (select) at work.
This has meant a change in work hours and duties. Instead of instructing on flights on a daily basis, he is now supervising Airmen on the ground and works days vs nights. It’s been an adjustment, as we really liked the way night shift worked for us.
Despite the changes this means for us, I am so proud of him and thankful to be married to such a hard working man!

Our little monkey girl, Allie, is sure growing fast!  It’s hard to believe that she just turned 2 years old!  She is so much fun and we love watching her grow.
Her favorite things are Buzz Lightyear, the Mickey Mouse Clubhouse gang, FaceTiming with Grammy & Papa, sneaking Oreo cookies and playing with her puppy!
She also loves to draw, climb in cupboards, slide and run outside, “read” books, dance, play in the bathtub, and she constantly is making sure she knows where everyone in the family is located.
She has spent an awful lot of this last year getting lab draws, visiting doctors, and staying at the hospital. We hope that we are closer to getting some answers. Be sure to click above on “Monkey’s Story” to stay updated on her health journey.

I’m finding that I need to make more time for myself to have a little “me” time during the week. It’s hard to carve out time, especially with Sarge’s new work schedule but I’m getting there.
I’m enjoying my new balloon wreath crafting that has turned into a fun little business on the side. I also am an Independent Scentsy Consultant and earlier this year was promoted to the title of “Star Scentsy Consultant”.
Being a wife and mother is definitely one of the most rewarding things I have ever done, and I wouldn’t change it for a minute… but I don’t want to lose myself in the process. So, that’s why I’m choosing to make an effort to have some “ME” time and get back to doing the things that I really enjoy doing like crafting, blogging, taking pictures, and maybe I’ll even find time to dive into some good books!

For now, today’s ME time has come to an end as I hear the laundry pile in the hall calling to me to come and wash it and my “to do” while Sarge is home list staring at me from the wall.
More blogging from me soon. I intend to keep up with this challenge!

And the winner is…

SARAH H –  CONGRATULATIONS!  Check your email for information on how to receive your prizes!

I wish I could say that I have been wisked away to some deserted tropical island paradise…
but sadly I am fighting some nasty sicky bug that has left me basically sleeping my days away and staying quiet when I am awake.
I thought I was turning a corner, but it seems to have come back with renewed spirit.
So if you need me, I’ll be buried under my covers until this nasty sicky bug decides to take a hike!

Don’t forget to enter the giveaway below!  2 more days left to enter!

I was so excited to receive a copy of Forever Friend by Kimberly Willis Holt, to read and share my thoughts on!  As soon as it arrived, Monkey and I cuddled up on the couch and read it together!

Kimberly Willlis Holt is the author of the books in the Piper Reed series. She has written many acclaimed novels, including The Water Seeker and When Zachary Beever Came to Town. Kimberly is a former “Navy brat” and lived all over the world as a child. She now resides in Texas with her family.  The illustrator of this book is Christine Davenier. She has illustrated many books for young readers including the Piper Reed series and Miss Lina’s Ballerinas.  She lives in Paris, France with her daughter, Josephine.

Forever Friend is about a sweet little girl named Piper Reed and her adventure when her father receives military orders to move to their next station in Norfolk, Virginia. This is Piper’s sixth move in her 10 years of life and she is excited, especially since she already has two other military kid friends living there. Together with her two sisters and her mom and dad, they begin an adventure that all military families are familiar with  - navigating the waters of packing up your life and moving on to start over in a brand new place, where being new isn’t always easy and there is always something to love about every place you’ve been.

Woven throughout the book are great tips on how military families can cope with the challenges and adventures that come their way during the time of moving and settling into a new base. From making a list of things she hopes will happen in her new home, to starting a club and coping with things when they don’t turn out exactly as she thought they would. One of my favorite take aways from the book is the phrase “Mom said our lives were like quilts. Each patch represented a place we’d called home, and each stitch was a memory that would always bind us there.” What a beautiful way to look at military life!

Piper Reed, Forever Friend is not just a book about a military child moving. It’s a great tool for parents to use as they guide their own children through the ups and downs, and many adventures and adjustments that come along with each military move!

I am thrilled to be able to offer a giveaway of a set of 3 signed Piper Reed books to one lucky winner! Be sure to enter and share this great giveaway with your friends!

a Rafflecopter giveaway

August 16 2011 was one of the hardest days of my life.

Sarge was deployed (again). Monkey and I had traveled to Arizona in June to spend some time with my parents. While visiting them she began having serious issues with her blood disorder. I sought treatment for her at Phoenix Children’s Hospital, about a 2 hour drive from my parents’ home. Monkey had some inpatient and some outpatient treatments so we stayed at Luke Air Force Base in the base temporary lodging when we weren’t in the hospital.

We had noticed that my dog, Rusty, had been acting kind of strangely around the time I left to take Monkey to Phoenix. I remember feeling torn – like my dog needed me and so did my baby. I had no choice but to trust my parents to take care of Rusty’s needs while I took Monkey down for the treatments she needed before her condition became more critical.

I knew my parents were taking him to our trusted vet in a town about an hour from their house, that day. I knew they would call me as soon as they knew anything. As the day went on and I didn’t hear anything, my heart sank and I felt like there had to be something wrong. I could never have expected that it was SO wrong. Dr Scott found that my Rusty boy had a tumor in his stomach that had essentially taken over his body and his organs were shutting down. There was nothing that could be done and he was already very clearly suffering and in pain.

In spite of the difficult news I find myself looking back and being so thankful…
I’m so incredibly thankful that Dr Scott had been our family veterinarian for over 20 years and that I knew without a shadow of a doubt I could trust his opinion. If there was anything that could have been done to save Rusty, without prolonging his discomfort, Dr Scott would have done it. He was so gently honest with me when I spoke to him on the phone, and I have so much respect for him.

I’m thankful that my baby girl was stable enough that the doctors let me leave with her and make the 3 hour drive that night so I could be there to hold my sweet pup as he took his final breaths.  I never would have compromised her health, of course, and I would never have left her alone in the hospital. However, her doctors agreed it was fine as long as we came back in the morning and it meant a lot that I was able to be there to see Rusty through to the very end. I’m so thankful that Dr Scott was willing to wait until I could get there, even though it was several hours past closing time. They kept Rusty as comfortable as possible and those last moments I got to spend with him are still so precious to me.

I’m thankful to my parents for being my source of strength and for understanding that Rusty wasn’t just a dog to me, but he was my best friend. We had been through so much together that it felt impossible to say goodbye, but I knew I had to let go. It was only fair to him and it was the last bit of love I could show him, though the hardest thing I’d ever have to do.

As I drove up the mountain to say goodbye to Rusty, it rained. At some point, this rainbow appeared and I took this photo. I don’t remember why I did at the time, but when I picked up Rusty’s remains from the pet crematorium they included a copy of the poem “Rainbow Bridge. Perhaps that was Rusty’s way of letting me know that he’d be ok.

One year later it still doesn’t seem real. I struggle with him not being here more than I ever thought I would. We’ve recently added another pet to the family and I find it harder to get attached because I still miss my Rusty so much. He was an amazing, loyal dog – and he will always be my best friend. He may be gone, but he will simply never be forgotten.

Rainbow Bridget – inspired by a Norse legend

By the edge of a woods, at the foot of a hill,
Is a lush, green meadow where time stands still.
Where the friends of man and woman do run,
When their time on earth is over and done.

For here, between this world and the next,
Is a place where each beloved creature finds rest.
On this golden land, they wait and they play,
Till the Rainbow Bridge they cross over one day.

No more do they suffer, in pain or in sadness,
For here they are whole, their lives filled with gladness.
Their limbs are restored, their health renewed,
Their bodies have healed, with strength imbued.

They romp through the grass, without even a care,
Until one day they start, and sniff at the air.
All ears prick forward, eyes dart front and back,
Then all of a sudden, one breaks from the pack.

For just at that instant, their eyes have met;
Together again, both person and pet.
So they run to each other, these friends from long past,
The time of their parting is over at last.

The sadness they felt while they were apart,
Has turned into joy once more in each heart.
They embrace with a love that will last forever,
And then, side-by-side, they cross over… together.

It feels like forever since I’ve blogged… oh wait, it HAS been!!

I’ll be doing a more complete series of catch up posts in the coming days, but for now I just wanted to announce that I’m back!  Here’s a VERY brief synopsis of what’s going on for us right now:

We now live in Northern California and are settling into our new base and home.
We have added a yellow lab puppy, named Harley to our family.  He is now 4 months old!
Sarge has moved up in rank and will officially sew on Tech Sgt sometime in 2013!
Monkey is 21 months old and a ball of sweetness, energy, and a little bit of sass!
I have started doing several direct sales businesses from home and am back to work on my NYIP classes!

My parents recently came to visit and we managed to get family photos done (finally!) while they were here. Hopefully we will get a chance to see them soon.  Since we knew it would be awhile before we got our photos back, I had my Dad take the family photo before we left the park.  Can you believe how big Monkey is?!  Me either!  She amazes me every.single.day!

More coming soon!  So glad to be back to blogging!

Cat